I Fear John Might be Too Old for the Job - I don't mean McCain, I'm talkin' about Madden

In a year where many of our neighbours south of the border are concerned with the age of their possible next President, I’m more concerned about the aging Sunday Night Football commentator.


Since the beginning of the 2008 NFL season, there has been a noticeable slippery slide into old age dementia by the world’s foremost expert on foot fungus remedies.


In the first few weeks of the season, Madden has been ripe with his pointless, less than helpful idiocies to each Sunday nights game, and his exceedingly angering tidbits “I don’t know why he didn’t just get that first down” (hard to do while being tackled).

In 4 games he has done his best not only to annoy viewers, but to misname players, as well as spend a large part of a game talking about the dinner he ate the night before. In the season opener between Chicago and Indianapolis he referred to Colts’ Pro Bowl Tight End Dallas Clark, as Dallas Ward. I know this seems like a minor slip of the tongue, but to mistake the name of an all-star with the name of (as best as I can figure) the 1948 coach of the Colorado Buffaloes, is quite an error.

He also spent the better part of the 1st quarter of the Eagles/Bears game discussing the meal that Donovan McNabb’s mother had made for them the night before. Now this description went on for quite some time and was complete with video footage of the “five different types of potatoes” she had made. The entire time there was a penetrating voice from inside my head screaming “GET BACK TO THE GAME!!!” We’ve all heard the numerous conversations he’s had about the Turducken, but those were special circumstances, it was Thanksgiving, so I’ll have some leeway for the holidays.


Frank Caliendo's John Madden Impression

I can’t say that I have ever been a big John Madden fan; in fact I have watched many a game with the sound off, just so I could enjoy the play, without the painful commentary. His input is never amazingly valuable and generally leads to hair-tearing proportions of fury. But now, at the age of 72, I fear that it isn't just stupidity anymore, it's the first steps towards dementia. Which has caused conflict in my mind, because, although the man is a moron, he's old, so you have to feel for him just a bit.

Here I will leave you with a couple of the most mind-numbingly stupid:

“If you have a speed lineman, going up against a speed quarterback. That's what you need to catch him. A slow lineman won't catch a speed quarterback.”

And then, with a team down by 10 in the 4th quarter, Madden came up with this mathematical gem:


“What they need right now is a 3 & 7, or a 7 & 3”.


Touche Madden.

Touche.